That this House has considered International Men’s Day, the issues affecting, and contributions made by, men and boys, and what it means to be a man in Britain today.
It is an honour to lead this debate, and I am grateful to the Backbench Business Committee for granting time for the House to consider this important issue. I also thank Members from across the House who supported the application and recognise the need for a serious national conversation about men’s health, men’s wellbeing and modern masculinity.
This year marks the 10th anniversary of our International Men’s Day debate—a chance for us to celebrate men and commit to tackling the challenges they face head on. For me, being a man means being there for family and friends, particularly when they need support the most. It means being the best dad and husband that I can be and, perhaps most importantly, being a completely fallible human being.
But let’s face it: you do not need to be an expert to know that being a man in Britain today can be very tough. We hear that from the men in our own families, on our street and in our workplace. Mental health issues are on the rise, preventable killers such as heart disease and prostate cancer are being caught too late and, most shockingly of all, suicide remains the leading cause of death for men under 50—something that I know many hon. Members wish to focus on today. With that backdrop, many men and boys are turning to online influencers who promote a particular, reductive view about what being a “real man” is, but that rarely gives them any sense of hope or optimism about their future and role in society.
The uncomfortable truth is that men often do not ask for help. For generations, we have been taught that a stiff upper lip, sorting yourself out and manning up is the best response to life’s challenges. When we combine that with higher rates of addiction of various types, it is no wonder that men’s health has reached a crisis point, and that hits families, workplaces and our communities. That is why the first ever men’s health strategy for England, published yesterday, is so welcome. I commend the Government and all the organisations involved in writing it for listening to what men need and not shying away from tackling issues that affect men specifically.
The strategy will mean that we meet men where they are to break down enduring stigma around mental health. It will improve care for men with prostate cancer and will support ex-miners, like those in my constituency, with better NHS diagnosis and treatment for people at high risk of respiratory disease. It is the first serious effort to understand the problems that men face and to chart the path to a country where men and boys can live longer, healthier and happier lives.
As the first speaker, I want, as best I can, to set the scene for the discussion and highlight the breadth of issues affecting men and boys across the UK, from health and education to employment, fatherhood and social wellbeing. Today we will touch on the challenges men face at every stage of life, celebrate the contributions they make to their families and communities, and home in on what we can do to shift things in the right direction.
As we mark International Men’s Day, we have an opportunity to address the biggest inequality in men’s health: prostate cancer is the most common cancer in men, yet it is the only major cancer without a screening programme. Hopefully, the Secretary of State will ensure that that changes in the national cancer plan. We are approaching a pivotal moment on the path towards the UK’s first prostate cancer screening programme. We cannot afford to wait while more men miss out on lifesaving early diagnosis.
Some men face greater inequalities than others. Prostate Cancer UK reports that black men face twice the risk of prostate cancer, and men in deprived communities are 29% more likely to be diagnosed with late-stage, incurable prostate cancer. Without targeted and urgent action, those inequalities will only deepen. A national screening programme is urgently needed. It would result in earlier diagnosis, and we all know that when prostate cancer is identified early, survival outcomes are dramatically improved.
As I said, I am sure that the Secretary of State will ensure that prostate cancer will be a priority in the upcoming national cancer plan, but could he confirm that? Can he also confirm that GP guidelines will be updated so that they can start lifesaving conversations with men at risk? There must also be clear advice on a simple online risk checker, and the Government need to fund nationwide awareness programmes so that every man knows his risk and can act early.
Implementation of those four things would dramatically improve outcomes for many with prostate cancer. I am afraid there will be no dad jokes from me. My daughters constantly tell me that all my jokes are dad jokes, and that they are bad ones.
Madam Deputy Speaker, you may or may not have noticed the unusual growth appearing between my nose and top lip. Yes, it is Movember, and for the first time I have had the opportunity to prove to everyone that I can grow facial hair—if that is what you can call it. My Mo is becoming the subject of much contention, with many suggesting that this premiere of what I now affectionately call Bob should remain after 30 November, while I am gaining a growing respect for those whose sensible opinion is that Bob needs the chop—and that is exactly what will happen.
Movember is one of many great organisations focusing on men’s health, including improving men’s mental health. I am growing this Mo to highlight a plight that many of us will have been touched by: not just poor mental health but male suicide. As I have said in this place before, I have been personally impacted by male suicide, having lost a good friend a year ago last week. A year on, I know that for me and all those who were part of his life the initial shock may have gone but the sense of loss and pain still lingers, as do the endless questions of “What if?”—for no one more so than my friend’s husband. We often forget that suicide has a profound effect on those left behind, especially partners. Suicide survivors, as they are known, will often go on to develop depression or post-traumatic stress disorder and need psychiatric care. Most worryingly, people bereaved by suicide are 65% more likely to take their own life than somebody bereaved by a natural loss.
The story of my friend is sadly a story that is repeated time and again. The stats around male suicide are simply shocking. Three in every four suicides are male, and it is the leading cause of death among young men aged 20 to 34, with the highest rates of suicide among men aged 40 to 54. Many of these men have been in contact with either their GP or other primary care services prior to their death, but men account for only 33% of referrals to NHS talking therapy, which does not match with the fact that 75% of deaths by suicide are men.
My hon. Friend is making an excellent contribution. On men not expressing their feelings, I had a constituent at my last surgery who told me about the domestic abuse he had suffered. As a man, he felt that he could not express that because of the idea that men do not get beaten up by women. Does my hon. Friend agree that domestic abuse is an evil and that, although it largely affects women, men can also be affected?
I agree with everything that my hon. Friend just said. Domestic abuse is abhorrent, and although it does mainly affect women, we cannot deny that it also affects men. We need to look into and address it.
I was delighted to see the first ever men’s health strategy launched yesterday, starting to address head on the issues that I have raised, with £3.6 million invested in suicide prevention projects for middle-aged men as well as expanding mental health teams in schools and a partnership with the Premier League’s “Together Against Suicide” initiative with the brilliant Samaritans.
Moving forward, we absolutely need to keep the focus on supporting men’s health, and especially their mental health. We want to see more men’s spaces continue to evolve to be more supportive of men’s emotional needs. I will continue to work hard through the all-party parliamentary group on male suicide to drive and promote better mental health for men. We must see suicide rates come down before we lose too many more of our sons, brothers, fathers and partners.
To finish, in the spirit of the Dad Shift request for as many dad jokes as possible, here is mine. Why did the maths book look so sad? Because it had too many problems. On that note, if you feel that you have too many problems, do not hold them in—get talking.
I am thrilled to be here to celebrate the incredible men among us, including my hon. Friend the Member for Cannock Chase (Josh Newbury). I thank him for sharing his story.
Men need to be celebrated today—those who pick up the pieces, make our lives better by being in them and provide positive role models to our children. I want to speak about the most undervalued man in my life, my husband Ritchie Fleet. In March, it will be 25 years since we met, with me at 16 with a newborn and him ready to step up into a role that he chose and which he has absolutely smashed. He makes me feel supported and loved, and I am proud to see him growing from a caring and present father to an incredible grandad. I cannot wait to see his adventures with our granddaughter as he drops his hours to take on his share of her childcare.
There is breaking news, Madam Deputy Speaker: all the toilet seats have been stolen from Scotland Yard, but police say they have got nothing to go on.
Everyone loves a dad joke, but we cannot let paternity leave be the real joke. How we see it is really important. It is an important class issue, with 90% of paternity leave taken by the 50% of top earners, and dads in my area less likely to take paternity leave than those who live in London. The men’s health strategy, which I am thrilled that we are introducing, is right to identify that flexible working and sufficient paternity leave positively impact a father’s health, relationship with their partner and involvement with their child. When we get it right, it is not just better for men but better for women and children.
I was honoured to be at the first ever International Men’s Day celebration in Downing Street last night. I could take a guest, and there were so many to choose from in my constituency, including: Kyle Barnes in Langwith, who set up a football team for his daughter; Andrew Joesbury in South Normanton, who spends so much time volunteering at the school; and Tony Mellors in Newton, who wants to ensure that our area’s history is passed on to the next generation. But the man I took was Paul Oxborough from Holmewood.
I start with a thank you to my hon. Friend the Member for Cannock Chase (Josh Newbury) for the incredible way in which he opened the debate. Securing it was important enough, but the bravery that he has shown today, as well as the leadership that he has shown on so many of the issues he spoke to in his speech, will perhaps serve men right across the country far better in the future than politics has managed to do in the past. It is a day after International Men’s Day, but I cannot think of a better model of a modern, strong man than the vision of himself that he set out today, in being so brave in sharing that deeply personal experience with us all.
As my hon. Friend finished, I want to start with a dad joke—as we know, all good jokes need some forewarning. Last week, I went to the Library—I do not know why in this place, but I wanted to find a book on paranoia. I went up to the librarian, tapped her on the shoulder and asked her where I might be able to find one. She leaned over to me and whispered, “I am afraid, sir, they’re all right behind you.” [Hon. Members: “Oh.”] That is as good a reaction as my jokes get in this place—it is great to see everyone else lowering themselves to my level for one day.
The point behind the campaign is a really important one: paternity leave in this country is a bit of a joke. When I have held events with new mums, new dads and new parents across my constituency, it has been heartbreaking to hear about the impact that the challenge of paternity leave has on them. I have seen mums with high-risk pregnancies along with dads struggling to see whether they will be able to take off enough time before the birth—let alone after—to be there to support them. New mums have told me heartbreaking stories of how they have had to go through caesarean recoveries alone after the dads had to return to work. That cannot be good enough. As progressives, the statutory paternity leave offer, which is so narrow and tight that only some of the wealthiest in society can really take it up, should not be good enough for us. We have to do far better. I really hope that we will make the most of the upcoming paternity and parental leave review to put that right.
It is great to contribute to this debate and follow so many powerful speakers. I commend the Government for marking International Men’s Day by launching their men’s health strategy. This initiative will not just change lives but save lives. As part of International Men’s Day, like many of my hon. Friends I have been working with the group Dad Shift, which is campaigning to improve the UK’s paternity leave offer—which quite frankly is itself a bad joke as the worst in Europe.
Speaking of bad jokes, I will follow on from some of my hon. Friends, though I have to admit to being slightly hesitant to include a dad joke in my speech, because the last time I tried a joke it went badly wrong. It was a joke about Chewbacca, but I messed it up. It was Wookie error, and one that I will not repeat. [Laughter.] I know what Members are thinking: “Stick to the day job!”
I am lucky enough to have two amazing jobs. One is being the Member of Parliament for Altrincham and Sale West, and the other is being a dad to two young boys. The latter was made so much easier by having access to paternity leave. It meant that in those early, formative and precious—and slightly less precious—moments that come with fatherhood, I could be there as a new parent for my boys and my partner Catherine. We were a team on that journey together.
However, one third of new dads do not take any leave at all when their children are born, and we have to be frank and honest about why that is. It is because they cannot afford it. Our statutory paternity leave of just two weeks at less than half the minimum wage, and with nothing for the self-employed, shows a system and a settlement that is fundamentally broken. I am delighted that this Government have the chance to fix that, through both the Employment Rights Bill, with the granting of the day one right, and the parental leave review. We must fix it for mums, who are shouldering an unequal caring burden and responsibility, and we must fix it for dads, who are having to lose out on time with their new children.
First, I pay tribute to my hon. Friend the Member for Cannock Chase (Josh Newbury) for giving an incredibly moving introduction to this debate. International Men’s Day, which is held on 19 November but which we debate today, is a wonderful chance to celebrate all that is good about men and boys and to commit to ensuring that we as legislators do all we can to support that agenda.
My hon. Friend the Member for York Outer (Mr Charters) made a very emotional contribution in Prime Minister’s questions yesterday. I thank him for his moving question, which touched everyone on the Government Benches and I suspect those across the House. I also want to acknowledge the Prime Minister’s social media post, “A letter to my son.” What a moving piece that was. Whether we have sons or daughters, nephews or nieces, the emotion with which my right hon. Friend spoke was truly heart-touching.
As a participant in today’s debate, and having worked with the Dad Shift on raising awareness on paternity pay and other issues, I am obliged to deliver to the House a dad joke:
“I went shopping and someone threw a block of cheese at me. I said, ‘That’s not very mature!’”
I’ll get my coat at the end of the debate.
Things have moved on since I was a lad, but I recognise the frustrations that some men and boys feel upon emerging from education into an adult world that is not very caring. When I finished my education and started work, I struggled. Flush with the sense that hard work and dedication would see me through to success, it was alarming to discover that that was not necessarily the case. The assumption that I needed only to work hard to get on was revealed to me, in the midst of a brutal economic recession, to be a lie. It has been said by the economist Gary Stevenson that if we just tell young men that all they need to do to succeed is work hard, we should not be surprised when their reaction is not positive.
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I particularly thank the Dad Shift campaign for its support in shaping today’s debate. Its campaign for better paternity leave, backed by undeniable evidence, is grounded in lived experience. The Daft Shift is also the reason you might expect one or two dad jokes this afternoon, Madam Deputy Speaker. I will go into the campaign in more detail later, but I want to kick things off with one of my favourites:
“Scientists have found that dairy cows give a better yield when farmers talk to them. It’s a case of in one ear, out the udder.”
Madam Deputy Speaker, I was tempted to put “pause for laughter” in my speech notes, but I am glad I didn’t —[Laughter.]
Jokes aside, the challenges we face begin very early in life, with boys lagging behind girls, from school readiness through to further education. This year, 45,000 fewer men under 19 started university compared with their female peers, and boys are disproportionately excluded from school. And let’s say it as it is: white working-class boys are at a particular disadvantage, and not because of a lack of talent but because of the hand they are dealt from birth.
Employment outcomes paint a similar picture, with young men making up 62% of those unemployed—that is nearly 1 million men out of work, all while our construction, teaching, healthcare and social care sectors struggle to fill vacancies. Yesterday, More in Common published a report into the disillusionment among many men, particularly those in their 40s and 50s. Some in the media might characterise this as a backlash against feminism, but what is actually behind it is men feeling that their lives are out of control.
No matter how hard they work, they cannot provide the security and opportunities they want for their families. They cannot plan for the future, so it is no wonder they feel vulnerable and let down, particularly by politics and politicians. Their priorities are unsurprisingly very similar to the general public: daily pressures, like the cost of living, insecure work, unaffordable housing and high levels of immigration, all combine into a sense that the system is rigged against them and in favour of those who are already privileged.
Loneliness and poor mental health are an inevitable consequence—particularly concerning given that middle-aged men are among the least likely to seek help either from professionals or their peers. Just as men take on more and more pressures and responsibilities, many find that their social circles shrink. Community groups like Andy’s Man Club and Stand By Me in my constituency have such a vital role to play. They work tirelessly to give men that non-judgmental space to meet others in a similar position and know that they are far from alone.
On that note, International Men’s Day should be an opportunity to smash through stigma. One taboo that I believe still persists among men is being the victim of sexual harassment and assault. Breaking the silence can mean those of us in privileged positions telling our stories, so here is mine. Around 10 years ago, I went on a night out in an unfamiliar city with a group of friends. I was very conscious not to overdo it because if I got separated from the group, I wanted to be able to find my way back to the hotel.
I remember going to a few bars and having a good time, but then it is a complete blank, which is something I have never experienced before or since. The next morning, I woke up with the worst headache I have ever had. The man I was sharing the hotel room with commented that he had had a great night but I had overdone it a bit and needed to be looked after. That did not seem to tally with my being determined to pace myself, but I thought maybe I had drunk too much, and I just wanted to get home and sleep it off.
What followed in the days after was constant text messages from this man, initially just asking whether I was okay but then repeatedly asking what I remembered and commenting that I was a “great shag”. That made me freeze because I had no recollection of getting back to the hotel, let alone anything else, and he had repeatedly told me how out of it I had been, so how could I have ever consented? It took me a few weeks to piece together my memories, the blanks, the text messages, and this man’s insistent tone. Obviously, I cut myself off from contact, but it took me a long time to admit, even to myself, that I was a victim of rape. I never felt able to report this and face the likely conclusion that, months on from that night, there was not the tangible evidence to ever bring a charge, and I will probably always carry a bit of guilt around that.
I found myself processing all of this with thoughts like “I count myself lucky that I was unconscious when it happened”, but I want to say clearly today that no victim should ever feel that they have to put themselves in a hierarchy or feel any shame. [Hon. Members: “Hear, hear!”] It is the people who do this to another person who should feel shame, and I hope that we can foster an atmosphere where men have the courage to speak out about this and seek justice, even if it is a hard road.
I realise that this is a very heavy topic, so I would like to end on one that brings me and so many men a huge amount of joy: fatherhood. The vast majority of dads want to play a bigger role in raising their children than previous generations did. The traditional role of protecting and providing is still there, but more and more, dads are clear that providing also means their children benefiting from their presence as much as possible.
Right now, we have the least generous statutory paternity leave in Europe at just two weeks, and at less than half the minimum wage, with nothing at all for self-employed dads. One stat that I find shocking is that 90% of paternity leave claims are made by those with above average incomes and far more is claimed in London than the rest of the country. That is a stark class divide and certainly not what the last Labour Government envisaged when paternity leave was introduced. A poll by Movember found that 62% of new dads struggled under financial pressure and a third take no leave at all. It is no wonder that recovery times for mums with birth complications are getting longer and mental ill health among new dads is on the rise. This is the future of our country that we are talking about, and we deserve so much better than this.
Before I sit down, since I am in such good company, I will tell one more dad joke. I went into B&Q recently and asked for some nails. The assistant asked me how long I wanted them. I said, “Well, I was planning to keep them.” [Laughter.] Maybe I could have paused for laughter on that one.
Let me end on this: supporting men and boys is not a fringe issue, or an issue for men alone. Say this loud and proud: a society that helps men to be healthy, hopeful and present is a society that works better for women too. Want stronger families, better relationships and happier communities? Lifting up men and boys is part of the solution. Men who protect and provide should not be shamed; they should be celebrated. To my fellow men, I say, “If you are ever struggling with anything at all, just know that we will hear you and be there for you.” International Men’s Day is a reminder that change is possible, and it is necessary.
What is leading to this? It is often thought that men just do not talk about their feelings, similarly to how they ignore signs of ill health, and that much of this is because of cultural norms around masculinity that cannot be broken for fear of appearing weak—but is that really the case? As I have just said, many men will reach out to primary care; an estimated 43% of men aged 40 to 54 who die by suicide saw their GP in the three months before their death. What men often do not do is talk about their feelings in environments where they are likely to get more peer support from their community. Some amazing work is being done in this space by organisations such as Movember, Men’s Shed and Andy’s Man Club.
Paul’s friend Dale Caffrey was a man we lost too soon. Suicide remains the biggest killer of men under 50, and the destruction left behind is immeasurable. Paul set up Mental Health Motorbike with Dale’s wife and best friend, which is a mental health charity that provides free online and face-to-face support. In five years, the charity has grown to 100 volunteers and is holding over 400 events this year, taking mental health peer support to the biker community across the UK. I am thrilled to have that national charity established in my constituency by that incredible bloke.
As I saw Paul speaking to the Prime Minister last night about all that the charity has achieved, I thought about the suicides that could be prevented. There is so much to celebrate today, but there is also so much more to do. Let us show our boys that real courage is talking about men’s mental health. Strength comes from opening up when you need to. Let us make it normal that proper, brave men talk about how they feel.
I will finish with the words of my friend Tracey about her late husband Kurt Hayes-Bradley: one life lost is one too many; each life saved is a blessing. It is definitely time to talk.
As so many have already said, that is not the only issue failing men today. As was identified in yesterday’s landmark announcement, men’s mental health, its issues and strategies have not been forensically focused on in this place for far too long. I know about that from my own challenges, after a bad concussion left me out of work for the best part of six months. I was unable to comprehend and struggled to read at times—some Members might be wondering what has changed. While I can joke about it now, it was no laughing matter at the time.
I was lucky that I had friends who pointed out the fact that my symptoms went well beyond concussion; I was getting quite deeply depressed. They ensured that I got the right support and guidance to get back to work and feel comfortable and confident in myself again. While all I can do to thank Joe, George and Alex is put their names on the record and forever associate them with me—a dubious privilege I am not sure they will be so grateful for—I want to highlight the importance of making sure that no man should ever be in the position of having to go through such a challenge alone.
I am lucky to have great groups in my constituency such as For Men to Talk in Hitchin, Stotfold’s men’s health walking group, and the great group in Shefford, where I live, run by Steve Coxon. They are there to ensure that men have spaces where they can reach out. That is why it is so important to see investment in these groups and a wider community approach to men’s health front and centre in the strategy.
We know that we need to do far more. The fact that this strategy was the first of its kind speaks to a wider problem in our politics—that at times we shy away from being confident in speaking to the challenges that affect men particularly and specifically. As progressives, this should be our fight. We should be making sure that society is there for vulnerable lads at school and dads and mums going through vulnerable births. We should make sure that we are there for men at the darkest moments of their lives. These are big progressive causes, and we should be comfortable taking them on and being loud and proud about speaking to them.
At the end of the day, men’s issues are issues not just for men but for everyone. We all have men and women in our lives, and we should all be passionate about policies that tackle the challenges they face. We should be full-throated and proud in not shying away from them.
Some 90% of dads want to play a more active role in their children’s lives, but as polling from More in Common reveals, too many men believe that a life where hard work means security for their family is out of reach. What better way to tackle disillusionment than by improving paternity leave and showing that Governments not only listen but can make the lives of men across our country better? Supporting dads to be the best parents that they can be will go some way to creating the role models that younger boys need when growing up. In a world of Andrew Tates, online misogyny and grievance politics, that feels more important than ever. We should want young boys to grow up with fathers who are active in their lives, who are comfortable enough to embrace being a truly equal co-parent and who feel like hard work brings rewards, support and security for their family as part of the social contract in our country. The Government have a responsibility to help to create these conditions.
On International Men’s Day, I pay tribute to all the dads out there doing their best, to all the organisations across Altrincham and Sale West, such as Andy’s Man Club and Home-Start, and to all the organisations across our country who are helping dads to be the best they can be. I urge us all to work together on creating a society to support dads to be the best possible role models for their children.
The challenges that men feel are often focused on employment, family and identity. It is the structures of the society around us, which we ourselves have created, that result in the frustrations and challenges that people feel. As the documentary maker Adam Curtis has said, we could just as easily create a world in which those frustrations and challenges, and reasons that people despair, do not exist. We have, as Members of this place and members of society, simply to decide that that is what we want to do. Will we rise to the challenge, I wonder?
Let us consider as an example social media and its potential for toxicity. I am of a vintage that means I was present not just at the birth of that media but at its conception. I cannot tell the House how optimistic everyone was for the future—optimistic to meet like-minded friends in virtual spaces and discuss ideas; to discover hitherto unexplored aspects of oneself; to revolutionise work; and perhaps, at its most pleasurable, to play games with people for fun and engagement. What a contrast with the world in which we now live, where many young people—and, arguably, many others—wish that they could just switch the internet off to get some respite.
It has been said that, at its core, the British dream extends to having a family and providing for them. We all know how difficult that is under the circumstances we are debating today. Conversation is required. What stops men and boys feeling that they can have conversations about their fears in an environment that is open and supportive, rather than a pathway to despair? We all know the reasons men and boys do not have those conversations: fear and repression, and their perception of how society regards them. It does not have to be this way.
Others may make this point too, but 90% of paternity leave, and 95% of shared parental leave, is taken by people in the top half of earners. This cannot be the world that we wanted to create. The issues affecting men and boys are serious. This International Men’s Day, let us determine to come together and resolve them.